Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Our Chill Out Spot


Welcome to our chill out spot!


What's that?

Back story: In a large home schooling family like ours, kids often get stressed out being together all the time.  When that happens, they are more likely to bicker.  And when THAT happens, Mom gets spazzed too.  Not good.

So...  Our Christian family therapist recommended that we create a chill out spot somewhere in our house.  It's just a comfy cozy corner, even in a room that others might normally be in.  It's a place to go when you're feeling edgy or just in need of some solitude.

Rule # 1 is that if you're in there, no one else is supposed to bother you or even talk to you!  Period!

We picked a corner of the living room, wedged between the piano and the couch.  The movable wall/door is a blanket rack - with a blanket on it, of course!  We did have to move out a large fish tank to make room.


A view from the top with big pillows, a bean bag chair,and a Sesame Street sleeping bag.


That yellow bin? It's full of dried beans. Six pounds of pintos and great northerns, to be exact. Apparently, it's therapeutic to plunge your hands into the beans and play around with them.  Yes, it works.

Rule #2:  Beans stay in the bin.  My grandson didn't quite get that memo.


Rule #3: No food or drink except for water.  We don't want to attract bugs.

There's another smaller bin, this one with tiny fidget toys like interlocking erasers. We even have a stress ball to squeeze and a snow globe to shake.

Rule #4: Don't take stuff out of the chill out spot.  Not sure where the stress ball is right now...



 And a pile of picture books...



So far, our chill out spot has been a big hit.

One glitch: the first night, one child pitched a fit because she wanted another turn... Oh my.  Since then, it's been pretty cool.  And it's been pretty well occupied by our five younger kids, ages 7 to 16.  In fact, all three nights, a different kid was sleeping in there.

The chill out spot is preventive medicine.  It's where kids send themselves for a time out before they (or you) blow up.  It's also restorative medicine -- good for after blow ups too!

Got kids with stress?  Give it a try!

You might also like:
Want to see the way the rest of my living room looks? (Or should look? Ha!)

Welcome to Our Living Room


Grace,
Virginia Knowles



Monday, April 22, 2013

25 Years Later, Looking Back on a Miscarriage

Twenty-five years ago today...

I miscarried our second baby at six weeks.

I wrote about this five years ago and a relative told me how much it meant to her, since she had just experienced a miscarriage herself.  Here is an updated version of it...


~*~*~


Several of my dear friends have had miscarriages in the past year or so. I know at least a little of how they feel, because I miscarried our second baby on April 22, 1988, when our oldest was about ten months old. 

I remember my friend Darlene warning me, "You may feel fine now, but in a couple of weeks you might have a hormonal backlash. You may feel really horrible for a while, but it's normal. Don't think you are going crazy." I'm not sure I believed her at the time, but she was right. Two weeks after my miscarriage, my emotions went wild for several days. I was edgy and angry, like a monster case of PMS. So when I hear of a mama who has had a miscarriage, I pass along that helpful tip. Most of the women I have talked to have confirmed it to be true. If you have a miscarriage or stillbirth, do allow yourself to grieve your loss, even as you learn to accept it. Get your rest. Your body and soul need it. 

If you have lost a little one, I also encourage you to be comforted by the testimonies and counsel of others who know what it is like. You can find many web sites and books on the topic of pregnancy loss. I find that even now, I have a very soft spot in my heart for wee little children and their mommies. When I see them suffer in any way, it pulls at my heartstrings. And I still grieve the miscarriage now and then. I don't think about it often anymore, but when I do, I allow myself to feel it and to receive God's comfort. As I was thinking about writing this article, I couldn't sleep. I got up early in the morning and paced the kitchen floor, weeping. But it is a good kind of mourning, the kind that knows joy will come again. I will hold my little one in Heaven, where he or she is already safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for Mommy and Daddy to catch up! That's the truth about God's grace! 

Bolivia Trip #2, 2009 
And there was joy after our mourning. Just under a year later, our second daughter made her grand debut, followed by eight more children after that. I thank God for granting me this precious baby just a year after my loss and growing her up into such a lovely young woman.   I realize that if I hadn't lost our second pregnancy, this daughter would never have been born, and she is a treasure.  She has a very soft spot in her heart for people who are suffering.  She and her husband are active in ministry to the homeless in Orlando and to impoverished regions of Bolivia, where they are leading a short term missions team this summer.  (It will be her fifth trip there.)



Not every grieving mommy will have another baby.  I can't promise sunshine and roses.  The ache may linger for a lifetime.  But God knows the End from the Beginning. We can trust him to work out all the details in between. 

Grace and peace,

Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Thursday, April 11, 2013

"The Blue Bowl" and Thoughts on Making a Home




The Blue Bowl

Blanche Bane Kuder


All day I did the little things,

The little things that do not show;


I brought the kindling for the fire


I set the candles in a row,


I filled a bowl with marigolds,


The shallow bowl you love the best-


And made the house a pleasant place


Where weariness might take its rest.



The hours sped on, my eager feet


Could not keep pace with my desire.


So much to do, so little time!


I could not let my body tire;


Yet, when the coming of the night


Blotted the garden from my sight,


And on the narrow, graveled walks


Between the guarding flower stalks


I heard your step: I was not through


With services I meant for you.


You came into the quiet room


That glowed enchanted with the bloom


Of yellow flame. I saw your face,


Illumined by the firelit space,


Slowly grow still and comforted-


“It’s good to be at home,” you said.


Blue rimmed bowl from Goodwill
Marigolds from Lowes 
I read this poem many years ago and it has always stuck in my head.

I'm not a Susie Homemaker and it's really hard to keep the house clean, orderly, and pretty when there are 10 people still living in the house.  But I try.

I think the core of the matter is consideration: thinking what the other person might like. What matters most to each will vary, whether it is clean laundry, or a well-cooked meal, or a blue bowl with golden marigolds gracing the table. 

African marigold
(much larger bloom than the others)
Not every person will be appreciative of our efforts, whether in the home or elsewhere.  Our work may go completely unnoticed or even be criticized.  Your loved ones may not say, "It's good to be home!"  Gratitude might not be in their vocabulary.

This is not the time to give up.  Try to understand what they want and make your reasonable effort to bring them joy and peace in a way that fits them.  Watch for the little clues about what they like.  Listen to the hints and the suggestions.

Just don't get stuck in a performance trap. Your worth is not tied to their approval.  You have been created by a Gracious God who treasures your presence and your efforts.  You have dignity no matter what anyone else thinks.

Do the things you need to do for others just because it is right and good, and we are all called to serve with love and diligence and confidence.  

Sometimes the sanctuary and beauty you create will be for yourself.  Taking care of Mama is the right thing to do, too.  If you are overwhelmed and exhausted and emptied out, you will have nothing left to give -- and what good that be?  Nurturing yourself is good for your whole family.  Like my old t-shirt said, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

What do you think?  Leave a comment!

With love,
Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

Monday, March 25, 2013

Craving Grace Like Chocolate by Ruthie Delk (Review)

I love chocolate.  A decent piece of the dark stuff can lift my spirits like no other food.  Craving Grace Like Chocolate: How the Gospel Changes Everything might seem like an odd name for a book, but it gets the point across.  Fortunately, God's grace is a whole lot healthier for you than chocolate!  And, as the subtitle suggests, it's also a whole lot more life-altering.

I've been a Christian believer for nearly 37 years.  You would think that by now I would always be rock solid in my faith.  I am not.  Like so many of you, I've experienced multiple painful crises in my faith journey. But I keep going.  

I recently found myself in a workshop by author Ruthie Delk at the Books and Beyond conference, listening again to the basics of grace, and thankful for the fresh reminder.  Ruthie, too, had a deep crisis of faith.  Raised as a missionary kid in Belgium, she was an expert in keeping pace on a spiritual treadmill.  Then, while her husband David was in seminary (of all places!), she came to the point of spiritual exhaustion and questioning. 
"I believed the gospel had the power to change people; it just wasn't changing me.  And I was miserable.  This disconnect showed up in questions like these:
My head was filled with brilliant knowledge about all the wonderful attributes of God, but my heart was not convinced He even knew my name."
If I believed His love was unconditional, why did I feel loved on the days I "got it right" and feel abandoned on the days I "got it wrong"?   If I really believed He was in control, why was I so fearful?  If I really believed He was with me, why did I feel so alone?  If I really believe His grace saved and forgave me, why couldn't I extend that same grace to others?
My head was filled with brilliant knowledge about all the wonderful attributes of God, but my heart was not convinced he even knew my name."
Ruthie shares that her simplistic view of the gospel as a mere entryway into salvation needed to deepen into an expanded perspective of God's holiness, love, and grace.  She had viewed herself as an orphan rather than as a beloved daughter of a compassionate Father.  Now, the gospel became not just a doorway, but a pathway.
It is every promise, every fact, every attribute of God, and everything we need to know, understand, and experience about God and his grace.  As described in Ephesians 1, the gospel encompasses every spiritual blessing we have in Christ.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and Ruthie has developed a wonderful diagram called The Gospel 8 to show how Christians can either walk in grace and restoration (convinced that God is our Redeemer, Healer, Defender, Provider and more) or descend into a cycle of despair (defined by rejection, abuse, bitterness, fear and anger) as they look to false gods like work, money, family, approval and performance for their security and satisfaction.


You can watch videos of Ruthie describing the Gospel 8 concept here.


A few more factoids to round out this review:


I recommend this book!

Grace,
Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com



Friday, March 22, 2013

Decorating and Organizing Bathroom Areas on a Budget


Dear friends,

Creating a post about bathrooms seems trivial compared to a lot of more important things I could be writing.  I have a whole list of posts I want to do!  But this morning, the bathroom. Why?  Because it's such a practical place, and finding new ways to make it work can bring more shalom and beauty to your day.  Besides, as you'll see, there is a little bit of a social justice them in this post anyway.

I'm on a pretty tight budget, so a fancy bathroom redo is not in my near future.  But there are always little things we can do to perk it up and organize it more effectively.

Here's a little tour of my master bath area and then two pictures from our hall bath.

I use a full size garden flag for my bathroom curtain.  It lets the light through beautifully, while providing enough privacy.  It's also moisture resistant.  There are mini-blinds behind it, as well as a Renuzit air freshener bought for a dollar at Walmart.


My bathroom walls are painted peach, and I've certainly got a springtime theme going on in there.  My mother made these two small stained glass pieces, choosing the camellia and magnolia because they grow in our back yard.



I just installed this wall hook to hold my clothes while I'm the shower.   (I don't like setting them on the small sink counter or trying to hang them over the towel bar.) This hook is extra sturdy, and cost about $3 at Walmart.




The back of the sink can get really cluttered and cruddy if too much stuff is stored there.  I left out just the basics. I put a bunch of the stuff up in the medicine cabinet, like our deodorants and my husband's shaving cream can that kept leaving a rust ring on the counter anyway.   You can read about how I organize the medicine cabinets in our house here: Organizing First Aid Supplies, Medicines and Supplements.

I just gave up using a traditional toothbrush / toothpaste holder because I could never fit the folded end of the toothpaste tube in the hole they provide.  I bought this cheery flowerpot at Deals for $1.  I like the combination of colors on the three items I left out.  And I love the lever style sink handle.  I can turn the sink on with the back of my wrist if my hands have germs on them.


Under the sink, I store sanitary supplies and cleaning items in bins, along with a container of peroxide.  We keep a bucket underneath the sink pipes to catch any possible leaks.


We salvaged the cabinet above from a neighbor who was moving. I replaced the existing handles with decorative knobs from Walmart.



The metal toilet paper roll rack is another new addition. It holds four rolls, and it's easier to get to than the cabinet if you're sitting on the toilet and realize there is none left on the current roll. :-) I bought it for around $7. We buy our toilet paper in bulk at Sam's Club. Each roll is individually wrapped.  I think that is so much more sanitary!



Our house is about forty years old, and we've lived here about half that time. We finally had to replace the shower door several years ago. My smart husband decided to hang a shower curtain on the inside of the shower door to keep the water off it. It keeps it so much cleaner, and will certainly extend the life of the door. He can easily take the curtain down for cleaning, or replace it cheaply.



My husband just bought this shower rack for me.  We used to keep the shampoo bottles in a bin on the shower floor, but I prefer this!  I used a little white duct tape to keep it snugger against the wall.



We also store big bottles on the towel bar at the other end of the shower.  A narrow little basket (which rests on the bar) and a suction cup caddy hold smaller items like razors or tiny bottles that would otherwise fall down.




We had a ceramic soap dish that hung from a bracket that was bolted to the wall.  Unfortunately, it fell down and cut my ankle up.  I replaced it with this suction cup soap dish, $1 at Deals.




We have periodic plumbing problems, and the toilet has been known to overflow into the adjacent dressing area.  We had to rip the carpet out and replace the whole floor in that area with ceramic tile, which I love.  That's a good thing, since we just had another bad backup a week or so ago.  So easy to clean!



Speaking of plumbing problems, we also had a leak in our shower behind the wall a while back.  My husband had to cut the drywall in our dressing area to get to it.  That left two damaged areas of drywall.  Until recently, the top one was covered with a tapestry, and the bottom one was just there for all to see.  During my little bathroom redo, I decided to do something about it.  I moved the Success poster from over my desk. (You'll see in a minute why I needed to do that.)  Then, to cover the smaller hole, I bought a sturdy basket (wire frame reinforced) to hold my hair dryer.  I found it for $5 at Walmart.  The ceramic bells to the right were a gift from my husband when we were dating; they are from his trip to Venezuela.  You might see the edge of a set of white ceramic birds at the left.  One of my daughters bought them on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic. 




Two other sets of South American bells -- these from Bolivia -- were gifts brought back from mission trips by another two daughters.  They hang from the top of the mirror.  



The rack below (also seen above) is a very recent gift from a daughter who ordered it from Ten Thousand Villages, a partner of the Mennonite Central Committee.  It was created by Cooperative le Semilla de Dios (the seed of God) in El Salvador.  The stories of these two fair trade charitable organizations are fascinating, so be sure to click those links and check out their beautiful gift items that benefit the local economies in Third World communities!  Did you notice the theme of social justice in Latin America for my dressing area?  Yeah, that just all came together nicely.  You can't read the poem on that Success poster two pictures up but the last lines are, "To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition, To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success." You can read the rest at A Desk for Mom.




Also in this dressing area, on the floor underneath the counter, are a large basket to hold clean towels and a small bucket to hold used wash cloths and hand towels before laundering.  Clean wash cloths and hand towels are stored in the drawer attached to the counter.  You can see those here: Organizing and Laundering Your Linens.


We also keep toiletries and personal care in other areas of the bedroom.  Some of mine are in this white cabinet that sits on my desk.  That's where the Success poster used to hang.  My neighbors gave this cabinet to me several weeks ago, and it's just right for making the most use of my space.  Small kindnesses like this are such a blessing.  What can you do to bless someone else?




My husband's dresser has a tray for his personal supplies and favorite medicines.






In the full bathroom down the hall, I just want to show you two things...

This shelf sits above the toilet, with the vertical pieces going down to the floor on the sides.  The kids tend to be a little sloppy with their stuff, but that's just real life.  I rarely go in their bathroom! The shower curtain is an under-the-sea theme.



And finally, a bit of humor...  I found this at Salvation Army for 79 cents, and just hung it up!  I guess charity and justice start in the home, in little ways.



Well, those are my bathrooms -- or at least the parts I'm willing to show!

I hope you've come away encouraged that you can make even "the least" parts of your home look pretty without breaking the bank.  Use what you have, buy inexpensive stuff at the dollar store or Walmart, and then you'll have more money for the important things in life -- like being kind to others around the world.

For shalom and beauty, 

Virginia Knowles

P.S. This post will be linked at several blog parties.  You can find the list of my favorites here: Link  Ups.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

My Hope Is In You



May integrity and uprightness protect me, 
because my hopeLord, is in you.
Psalm 25:21

This is my verse for the week.
Based on all the troubling news 
we've faced lately in our community 
and in our circle of friends, 
I really need it a sense of hope.

My husband called me outside to see
this beautiful rainbow this morning.
It's a double rainbow, 
but only a half rainbow since it has no left side.
Maybe that's a symbol that hope
is not always configured the way we expect.
It's not always readily apparent.
We need God to reveal it to us,
to lead us on the right path.
But it is our choice to seek and follow,
and to love the truth enough to do what is right
even in the storms.

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,

    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
Psalm 25:4-5


Grace,
Virginia Knowles

This post will be linked at:

P52 Sweet Shot Tuesday with Kent Weakley 

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Bella Sophia (Lady Wisdom Sets Her Table)





"Bella Sophia"
 by Virginia Knowles

Lady Wisdom diligently prepares her feast
She fixes her savory meats and mixes her sweet wines
Then arranges her lovely banquet table:
Linens, bouquets, crystal, china, silver, candles
With exquisite hospitality and grace
She welcomes her guests:
"Come in, sit down, and dine!"

This feast is for our souls
Lady Wisdom nourishes our minds with solid truth
And delights our spirits with goblets of merry mirth
She pleases our inner eyes and ears with a deep harmony
A heart mark of the Creator.

Dear Lady Wisdom,
Teach me to teach as you do
To season my words with the spices of love and prayer
To think before I speak so I will know
What each hungry heart needs to hear
Show me how to captivate hearts and minds
With insight and satisfy their souls with delight
To feed them the honeycomb of pleasant words
Sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Bella Sophia
Beautiful Lady Wisdom
Help me to spread a banquet in my home 
With the Meat of the Word
The Bread of Life and Living Water
The Fruit of the Spirit
Then come alongside 
And call out with me through open doors,
"Welcome, sit down, and dine!"




Wisdom has built her house;
she has set up its seven pillars.
She has prepared her meat and mixed her wine;
she has also set her table.
She has sent out her servants, and she calls
from the highest point of the city,
“Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
“Come, eat my food
and drink the wine I have mixed.
Leave your simple ways and you will live;
walk in the way of insight.”

Proverbs 9:1-6

I read these words from Proverbs Saturday morning and started thinking about how I communicate with others.  It still wasn't a good day for that -- so many cross conversations! As a mother, I do need bella sophia, beautiful wisdom, in the atmosphere of my home.  How am I nurturing my own children?  I've got so much to learn and do.  As a writer, I try to set the table on my blogs with a variety of articles, some serious, some practical, some aesthetic, some light-hearted.  As an English teacher, too, I see the need to reach the hearts and minds of each of my students.  Lesson planning takes effort, but it's worth it.  Yes, I teach grammar and spelling, but most of all, through the literature, writing, music and art appreciation that I plan each week, I try to impart wisdom for life.  After reading in Proverbs 9, I'll now try to think of it as preparing the feast and setting the table -- with enough substance to sustain them and enough delight to capture their hearts for the truth.  What do you think about this?

Virginia Knowles
www.ComeWearyMoms.blogspot.com

P.S. I borrowed the table photo from my post Weekend Gratitude: Welcoming Touches.  (Many thanks to my friend Judy, who hosted our Dinner with Friends feast two weeks ago!) 

This post will be shared at the following blog parties:
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